考研英語短文寫作十年真題解析(doc 9頁(yè)).doc

第三章 考研英語短文寫作十年真題分析第十節(jié) 2009年Section III Writing2009年考研英語考試結(jié)束了。今年走出考場(chǎng)的考生普遍感覺今年的試題較往年難度有所降低，尤其是寫作部分兩道題目難度適中，大家基本發(fā)揮出了正常水平。下面針對(duì)小作文和大作文分別給予點(diǎn)評(píng)，并提供閱卷的范文供大家參考。Part A51. Directions:Restrictions on the use of plastic bags have not been so successful in some regions. “White pollution” is still going on. Write a letter to the editor(s) of your local newspaper to 1) give your opinions briefly and 2) make two or three suggestionsYou should write about 100 word. Do not sign your own name at the end of the letter. Use Li Ming instead. You do not need to write the address. (10 points)一審題構(gòu)思小作文去年考的道歉信，09年小作文要求寫一封建議信。今年的建議信相比07年的建議信要求更加具體，且話題更為熟悉?？忌鷮?duì)這個(gè)話題可寫的東西比較多。且在平時(shí)大作文的訓(xùn)練中考生都接觸過不少表達(dá)觀點(diǎn)看法和提出建議的方法，尤其在環(huán)境保護(hù)方面的建議措施接觸的更多，因此這篇小作文題材大家非常熟悉，難度適中。如果同學(xué)在考前臨陣抱佛腳，只要把建議信的套話背下來，比如建議信的第一句話怎么寫，中間怎么寫，最后一句怎么結(jié)尾，直接把有關(guān)內(nèi)容換成白色污染即可。二框架思路確切地講，今年的小作文仍然是沒有脫離開過去的老套，又是一封信，而這封信對(duì)同學(xué)們來講，是我們很熟悉的白色塑料袋的使用問題。有很多商家為了爭(zhēng)取自己定期的常客，他們可能會(huì)想到促銷的手段或者銷售的途徑，那就是說送給你塑料袋，方便你使用。但是這些顧客們可能有些人是懂得或者說環(huán)保意識(shí)很強(qiáng)的，有些塑料袋，他們總是重復(fù)地去用；可是有一些不盡然，像年輕人這樣，用過后就扔掉。談到了白色污染這個(gè)話題，就想給編輯寫封信，信中反映的是你對(duì)這個(gè)現(xiàn)象的一個(gè)看法，之后，你應(yīng)該提出一些解決的措施，所以這封信里面要講的話一點(diǎn)都不難寫，最重要的是我們要做一個(gè)對(duì)社會(huì)有責(zé)任的人，因?yàn)橹挥腥绱宋覀儾拍軌蛴梦覀兊男娜ジ兄@個(gè)社會(huì)的問題，才能真正從我們內(nèi)心想出一些方法，使我們的社會(huì)更加潔凈，這樣才能更加和諧。 本文可以按三段處理，首段直接談白色污染的情況，中段講出解決問題的建議和措施，最后再次提醒編輯關(guān)注此事刻不容緩，并加強(qiáng)禮貌語氣。三參考范文Dear Editor(s), I am writing this letter to draw your attention to“White Pollution”. No one can avoid using plastic bags in our daily lives and too many plastic bags bring about many problems. How to solve this problem has become a hot issue among many people in recent years.To address this problem, I would like to lodge several suggestions. On the one hand, the authorities should set up rules and regulations to control the production and circulation of the plastic bags. On the other hand, people should realize the significant of protecting our environment and not use too many plastic bags.I sincerely hope that you can take my letter seriously. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.Yours faithfully,Li Ming (126words) 親愛的編輯：我寫此信是為了讓您關(guān)注“白色污染”這一問題。在日常生活中人們總是會(huì)用到塑料袋，而塑料袋過多會(huì)產(chǎn)生很多問題。如何解決這一問題成為近年來很多人關(guān)心的話題。 為了解決這一問題，我想提如下的建議。一方面，政府當(dāng)局應(yīng)該制定一些規(guī)章制度來控制塑料袋的生產(chǎn)和流通使用。另一方面，人們應(yīng)該意識(shí)到保護(hù)環(huán)境的重要性并不使用太多的塑料袋。 我真誠(chéng)地希望您能認(rèn)真對(duì)待我的信。感謝您撥冗關(guān)注。您誠(chéng)摯的李明四文章點(diǎn)評(píng)：范文為縮進(jìn)格式。由于本信函屬于公務(wù)信件，題目提供的名字就是編輯，所以要按較正式的口吻來寫作，文章開始的稱呼為Dear Editor，語氣就比較正式。第一段開門見山，使用draw your attention to結(jié)構(gòu)直接表示請(qǐng)求關(guān)注。首段使用了and連接兩個(gè)并列句的信息。語法上，最后一句使用了How to引出的名詞短語作為主語，點(diǎn)明了文章的中心。第二段承上啟下，按議論文模式設(shè)定了段首句，提出的兩種方案用On the one hand和On the other hand靈活列出。本段中，動(dòng)詞address和lodge較有特色。第三段中，作者再次請(qǐng)求關(guān)注。按照信函寫作“感謝客氣不能少”的原則，應(yīng)連續(xù)兩次使用傳達(dá)禮貌的句型。五閱卷樣文五檔：9分Dear editor,Im a sincere reader of your newspaper and I like your discussion of the social problems. Now I want to give some opinions of myself about the “White Pollution”.As we know, regulation was made to solve the problem in June 1st of 2008. The use of plastic bags was restricted in the supermarket and many other shops freely. At the beginning, it was carried on well, but now I found plastic bags were used in some small shops for free or with no pay.I am writing to tell you that we should solve this problem soon with the help of your newspaper. You could make some investigators about it and write some reports of it, so as to appeal to all the peoples attentions of our society.Sincerely, Li Ming評(píng)語：本文很好地完成了試題規(guī)定的任務(wù)，與目標(biāo)讀者完全產(chǎn)生了預(yù)期的效果： 1內(nèi)容包含了所有的內(nèi)容要點(diǎn)，該文第一段的內(nèi)容更吻合題目的要求。 2所使用的語法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯比較豐富。 3語言比較自然流暢，盡管存在個(gè)別的語法（例如，時(shí)態(tài)）和用詞錯(cuò)誤。 4有效使用了各種銜接手段，層次清晰，組織也比較嚴(yán)密。 5格式與語域恰當(dāng)貼切。 四檔：7-8分Dear Editor Wang,I am a senior student living in Beijing. Being a citizen in our capital, I care a lot about our environment. But, although the law of not using plastic bags had been enforced since June, the effect is not very good. I am afraid “White Pollution” will still exist for a long time.I believe there are ways to improve the situation. Our communities could offer bags free, which will substitute plastic bags. Meanwhile, some education on environment and White pollution should be held to local people. Besides the above two, much more can be done. I hope you would consider it carefully.Yours trulyLi Ming評(píng)語：較好地完成了試題規(guī)定的任務(wù)，基本能夠?qū)δ繕?biāo)讀者產(chǎn)生預(yù)期的效果： 1. 包含了所有的內(nèi)容要點(diǎn)，既簡(jiǎn)要介紹了自己的觀點(diǎn)，又提出了具體的建議。 2. 所使用的句子結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯相對(duì)比較豐富，例如：Being a citizen in, I care等。 3. 語言基本正確，當(dāng)然也存在著一些語法錯(cuò)誤和用詞的錯(cuò)誤，但是并不會(huì)嚴(yán)重影響意義的表達(dá)。 4. 采用了適當(dāng)?shù)你暯邮侄危? but, meanwhile, besides等，層次也比較清晰。 5. 格式和語域比較恰當(dāng)。 三檔：5-6分To whom it may concern:As a student of a university, I want to take this opportunity to express some points about “White Pollution”.There is no denying that plastic is destroy our environment is we use it excessively. So the government take some means to deal with it. Restrict to use the plastic bags in whole country. But it didnt get successful as we predict. The “White Pollution” is still around our environment in some regions.Takes measures is needed. I want to take some recommends. First and formost, more strength restriction is needed by pollution education. Second, media should spread more information concern. Only in this way can we curb the statement. Im looking forward your reply.Sincerely yoursLiming評(píng)語：基本完成了試題規(guī)定的任務(wù)，對(duì)目標(biāo)讀者基本產(chǎn)生了預(yù)期的效果： 1. 內(nèi)容包含試題所要求的兩個(gè)要點(diǎn)，沒有跑題。 2. 具有較多的用詞與語法錯(cuò)誤，但是讀者仍然能夠大致領(lǐng)會(huì)作者想要表達(dá)的意思。 3. 采用了一些簡(jiǎn)單的銜接手段，內(nèi)容還算連貫，層次也算清楚。 4. 格式和語域基本合理。 二檔：3-4分I am very sorry to trouble with you. But this is a problem annoying with me. It is White Pollution. With the economic growth widely, white pollution become more and more serious. It is harmonious between the men and nature. White pollution destroy some special. More and more similar issue can be read today in newspaper as well as in magazine.The problem can be solved in some ways. First, attitude is everything. We must make people aware of this issue. Second, we must change with ourself. Its essential that we address our problem before looking to others change. Finally, the acts of pollution must be punishment.Im looking forward to your reply!Yours sincerelyLi Ming評(píng)語：未能按照要求完成試題規(guī)定的任務(wù)，不能清楚地將信息傳達(dá)給讀者。 1第一段落的內(nèi)容離題太遠(yuǎn)，未能很好地表達(dá)題目的第一個(gè)內(nèi)容要點(diǎn)。 2語法和用詞錯(cuò)誤太多，表明作者缺乏基本的英語語法知識(shí)或者使用語法知識(shí)的能力。 3雖然也使用了一些銜接手段，但是內(nèi)容上缺乏連貫性。 4格式和語域不恰當(dāng)。例如，此信沒有抬頭。 第一檔：1-2分Dear the editorIm pleasure to write the letter to you. With the development of the socity, white pollution is more and more bad. Our sky is not blue, our earth is not clean and our river is not fish.To solve this question, I have some suggestions. First, every one drive their car less a day in a week than before. Second, when we are shopping, we use environment plastic bags. Third, our government do some rules. Do you thing my opinion? Look forward your reply.Yours faithfully,Li Ming評(píng)語：未完成試題規(guī)定的任務(wù)，不能把信息傳遞給讀者： 1文章內(nèi)容基本離題，有許多不相關(guān)的內(nèi)容。 2作者基本不具備英語的語法常識(shí)，句子結(jié)構(gòu)簡(jiǎn)單且不完整。 3用詞錯(cuò)誤太多，詞不達(dá)意。 零檔：0 分dear editor:I am a student of Tianjing University. Recently years our country評(píng)語：所傳達(dá)的信息或者所用的語言太少，內(nèi)容與要求也無關(guān)系，無法評(píng)價(jià) Part B52. Directions:Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following drawingIn your essay, you should1) describe the drawing briefly,2) explain its intended meaning, and then 3) give your comments.You should write neatly on ANSHWER SHEET 2. (20 points) 互聯(lián)網(wǎng)的“近”與“遠(yuǎn)”一審題構(gòu)思09年大作文仍然是圖畫式作文，題目要求與往年基本相同。圖畫是一張蜘蛛網(wǎng)上有很多人上網(wǎng)。圖畫中的中文提示詞為：互聯(lián)網(wǎng)的“遠(yuǎn)與近”。寫好這篇作文主要在于兩點(diǎn)：第一，描述圖畫。圖片描寫可能會(huì)給一部分考生造成困難，這一點(diǎn)要看學(xué)生平時(shí)的積累。第二，寓意理解。題目圖片看似簡(jiǎn)單，實(shí)則抽象。揭示主題需結(jié)合中文提示“網(wǎng)絡(luò)的近與遠(yuǎn)”，即網(wǎng)絡(luò)為人們的生活帶來的便利以及不便。這一主題比較貼近現(xiàn)代生活，也是當(dāng)今大學(xué)生熟悉的話題：網(wǎng)絡(luò)雖然非常便利，讓人與人足不出戶就可以相互聯(lián)系，但是人與人之間的直接聯(lián)系卻變得稀少了。 二框架思路大作文今年考的是一個(gè)網(wǎng)絡(luò)的問題，它很像07年的作文風(fēng)格，也就是說，在處理過程當(dāng)中，需要同學(xué)們對(duì)圖形本身有純樸的感受。在創(chuàng)作中，首段需要描述圖畫。第一眼看到的是什么？我們看到一個(gè)大圓圈，里面分成若干個(gè)小部分，每個(gè)部分里面有一個(gè)人在電腦前忙活。通過這個(gè)分析我們感知到的是什么呢？要發(fā)自內(nèi)心地先要把大的方位描述出來。由于圖畫配了文字，只需把文字翻譯過來，描述段就很完整了。 第二步，需要點(diǎn)出圖畫寓意，其實(shí)就是讓我們分析互聯(lián)網(wǎng)“遠(yuǎn)”和“近”。任何事物都有兩方面?；ヂ?lián)網(wǎng)的優(yōu)勢(shì)不容置疑，網(wǎng)絡(luò)的確使我們變得更近了，這種近是多方面的，其中最重要的方面是信息的快捷。但是在圖畫當(dāng)中我們看到了另外的景象：互聯(lián)網(wǎng)的消極影響。互聯(lián)網(wǎng)使人們都變成了宅男宅女的蝸居人，只有辦公室是工作場(chǎng)所，除此以外，無處可去。這樣我們的身體就會(huì)垮下，而人是需要運(yùn)動(dòng)的，所以它對(duì)人們身體也會(huì)造成傷害和束縛。另一方面，人與人之間逐漸疏遠(yuǎn)，這也是事實(shí)，因?yàn)楝F(xiàn)在大家工作學(xué)習(xí)壓力都很大，缺乏人與人的溝通，只是在互聯(lián)網(wǎng)上的虛擬世界里尋找慰藉。最后一段要求議論，可以按照慣例采取建議法，提出我們對(duì)如何科學(xué)地使用互聯(lián)網(wǎng)的的建議，再次強(qiáng)調(diào)溝通和諧的重要性。三參考范文As is unfolded in the picture above, we can see that many people，old and young, men and women, in front of a computer and using the internet. The caption in the drawing reads: “the Internet: near or far”. 如上圖所示，我們能看到很多人，老的少的，男人女人，都坐在電腦前用上互聯(lián)網(wǎng)。圖中的文字說明是：“互聯(lián)網(wǎng)的近與遠(yuǎn)” The purpose of the drawing is to show us that the internet has it advantages and disadvantages as a communication tool. On the one hand, many people hold a view that internet makes us close than ever before. With the development of science and technology, computers and internet are playing an increasingly important role in our daily lives. We can achieve an immediate communication via E-mail, QQ, MSN or ICQ. According to a recent survey conducted by Li Ming, a sociologist in Peking University, approximately 400,000,000 people use internet in China in 2008. On the other hand, others argue that internet makes relationship of people weak. We can often read many stories about children spending too much time on online games. Some parents even complain that they have fewer and fewer time chatting with their children.這幅圖片的目的是向我們表明作為溝通工具的互聯(lián)網(wǎng)有其優(yōu)缺點(diǎn)。一方面，很多人認(rèn)為互聯(lián)網(wǎng)讓我們比以往更親密。隨著科學(xué)和技術(shù)的發(fā)展，計(jì)算機(jī)和互聯(lián)網(wǎng)在我們的日常生活中正起到了越來越重要的作用。我們能用電郵，QQ，MSN，或者ICQ等軟件實(shí)現(xiàn)實(shí)時(shí)溝通。（根據(jù)最近北京大學(xué)社會(huì)學(xué)家李明做的最近調(diào)查表明，2008年中國(guó)大約有4億人用互聯(lián)網(wǎng)。）另一方面，其他人認(rèn)為互聯(lián)網(wǎng)讓人們關(guān)系變得弱化了。我們經(jīng)常讀到一些報(bào)道說小孩子花了太多時(shí)間在玩網(wǎng)上游戲。一些家長(zhǎng)甚至在抱怨他們和孩子談話的時(shí)間越來越少了。How to use modern communicating tools such as internet properly has becomes a hot issue among many people in recent years. For one thing, we should realize that internet is a big development of science and technology and we should make full use of it. For another, we need to spend much time to communicate with each other face to face. Only in this way can we live in a more harmonious society. （249 words） 如何使用諸如互聯(lián)網(wǎng)這樣的現(xiàn)代溝通工具已經(jīng)成為近年來人們關(guān)注的熱門話題。一方面，我們應(yīng)該意識(shí)到互聯(lián)網(wǎng)是科技的巨大進(jìn)步，我們應(yīng)該充分加以利用。另一方面，我們也要多花點(diǎn)時(shí)間來面對(duì)面的溝通。只有這樣我們才能生活在一個(gè)更加和諧的社會(huì)。 四文章點(diǎn)評(píng)按照提綱格局，文章順理成章分為三段進(jìn)行描述和議論。第一段為傳統(tǒng)的圖畫描述段，由于圖片內(nèi)容非常直觀，可以直接進(jìn)行描述。本段中的開頭The purpose of the drawing is to show us that .,和后面的The caption in the drawing reads .屬經(jīng)典框架結(jié)構(gòu)。第二段要求闡釋漫畫蘊(yùn)含的深刻社會(huì)意義。在段首句直接采用The purpose of the drawing is to show us that 指明互聯(lián)網(wǎng)的兩面性。句型方面，本段使用了銜接詞On the one hand和On the other hand.的形式，使文章增加了連貫性。本段中描述論說的詞有幾次變化，如開始的many people hold a view that，后來則變成了others argue that。解釋完圖畫意義，第三段應(yīng)是進(jìn)行議論。由于comments往往被定位為建議措施段，所以可以借用本段對(duì)如何科學(xué)地使用互聯(lián)網(wǎng)提一些建議。本段結(jié)構(gòu)由For one thing, For another,構(gòu)成。最后用倒裝句強(qiáng)調(diào)了構(gòu)建和諧社會(huì)的途徑。五閱卷樣文第五檔：19分 As illustrated in the cartoon, each person sits in their own work room. In front of them is a computer. Everyone looks at the screen carefully, and communicate with their colleagues through the net instead of talking face to face. Their work places are placed like a net. And below the cartoon, there is a topic which says: the near and far among the Internet.From the cartoon, we can conclude that the cartoonist wants to convey such a message: with the popularity of computers, people from all over the world become nearer by using the internet to communicate with each other. Meanwhile, people also become far away from their friends. All of us accept the fact that the development of the internet brings lots of conveniences to our daily life, for instance, we can buy a book on the net instead of going to a bookstore. Besides, we can communicate with our friends on the net without going out of home. But we cant ignore the other side of these: the time we spend with friends or family becomes less. And we hardly see them once in a week. It will make us feel lonely if we continue to use the tool on the net to talk with friends instead of talking with them on the phone or going out with them.To my best understanding, we should use the net to communicate with each other in a proper way. It is just a tool when we really need it to serve us. If we want to keep our friendship more effectively, we should spend more time with them in our real life. Only in this way can we not only make full use of the communication tool on the net but also make our friendship stronger.評(píng)語：該文很好地完成了試題規(guī)定的任務(wù)，內(nèi)容完整，既清楚描述了漫畫內(nèi)容又指出了其隱含的意思。語言流暢，措辭準(zhǔn)確，句型結(jié)構(gòu)有變化，有效使用了連接手段，內(nèi)容連貫，層次分明，文章易于理解，僅有個(gè)別語言錯(cuò)誤，字?jǐn)?shù)符合要求。 第四檔：15分 As is vividly depicted in the drawing above, we can see clearly that some people are very near by the computer while some people are much long with each other in the net world.What is conveyed in the picture is most thought-provoking and worth discussing among people, especially the young people. It is a mirror, reflecting the relationships between the people are altering by the Internet. Peoples opinions differ greatly on this matter. Some people believe that the Internet is very convenient for people who are living in a longer distance to keep connection with each other. Others argue that the Internet make the people living in near areas meet very little. Still others hold that peoples facing to face to communicate is reducing to a low level.It struck me that if nothing is done to solve the social phenomenon, its effect will be soon shown, which inevitably affects the development of the harmonious society. So we should regard the trend rightly. We also should take it into our accounts strictly. We should use the Net more reasonably. On no account should we make the people longer by the computer. Only in this way can we have a good generation foreseen. And a more harmonious society can be built up.評(píng)語：文章較好地完成了試題規(guī)定的任務(wù)，內(nèi)容比較完整，既描述了漫畫又揭示了隱含的意思，使用了比較豐富的句型結(jié)構(gòu)和詞語，使用了一定的連接手段，語言基本通順，文章結(jié)構(gòu)完整，層次清晰，易于理解，但是有一定數(shù)量的語言錯(cuò)誤。 第三檔：11分 As the picture vividly depict that internet like a net connect different people in the world. You can communicate with your friends. No matter where they live in, the distance no longer an obstacle in our communication.The picture reflect a thought-provoking social phenomenon that people in a mounting numbers use internet shopping, work, study and chatting with friends in order to meet each other face and face. There are somewhat reasonable, but you weighing in mind, you can find that distance between our spirit longer than before. On the Internet we can not know each other very well, because some people dont use their real name, even tell lies on internet. On the conterary, if we meet each other face and face, its better for communication.Internet make the obstacle of distance vanished, benefit us a lot, we can chating with our friends who live in a city that far from us. However, we should take that serious internet make the distance of our spirit longer than before, internet is a double-edge sword.評(píng)語：該文包含多數(shù)內(nèi)容要點(diǎn)；語法結(jié)構(gòu)與詞匯基本能夠滿足任務(wù)要求；有一些嚴(yán)重語法與用詞錯(cuò)誤，但不影響理解；內(nèi)容較連貫，層次較清晰。但是第三部分主要是對(duì)第二部分的總結(jié)，評(píng)論簡(jiǎn)單。 第二檔：7分 As can be seen from the picture, many people are sitting in the front of a computers, who are basing in typing on the keyboard, but they dont immediate communicate with each other though they live near. It looks like a bit pot, eve